Hey everybody!

I got my senior picture proofs today! They are so good! I love how they turned out! If you wanna see them, I'll send you a link to the website, directions to the pictures, and my password, so you can see!

Tomorrow is the last day of color guard camp! So happy! We get out at lunch! And our band director is taking us out for lunch! Then after that I'm going over to house with another friend to make brownies! yummy!

I get to see 12 on Sunday.

I think that's it! TTYL!

Hello! Hope you all are doing fine. I'm very sore myself. It's been color guard camp all week. 3 days down 2 to go. We know 3 of the 4 songs. I'm on rifle this year. I'm super excited! Our uniforms are so UGLY. I hate them. But I'll make the best out of it.

Well today, by far has been the best day! During lunch I got a very special text! That text was from 12. And its said: "Here is something to get u through the day <3" ISN'T THAT THE CUTEIST THING! He sent me a heart. I freaked out!!!! It made me so happy!! If he doesn't like me why would he do that for me? He confuses me so, but makes me so happy... I get to see him on Sunday! yay!

Today was also good cuz we made lots of inside jokes today. hahaha. I get to see my senior pictures tomorrow! SO EXCITED!! My short story is postponed as of right now. As soon as I get some real free time, I'll finish writing it!

Well I think that's it! TTYL!

Hey everybody! I'm doing better!

I talked to him yesterday. I messaged me first. And I gave in. It felt so good to see him. We will probably be going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show together next month. It's going to awesome, cuz he is going to dress up. It's going to be amazing.

Oh, I almost set the microwave on fire today... :fire: haha. I hope it still works... My mom and I are going to go see The Ugly Truth tonight! I'm excited! I've been wanting to see this movie so bad! I love Gerard Butler!

Anyway about my title. I'm seriously thinking about writing a sequel to 'Waiting'. This time it will end tragically. This time the story is inspired by the song "Sleeping Sun" by nightwish. I will try and get it finished over the weekend. Because next week is the end of my summer vacation. That's right! Band camp the next two weeks! UGH!

Well I'm going to go and think about this story! If you haven't read 'Waiting' yet I suggest you should!

TTYL!

Nothing important in the journal. I just felt like updating.

I finished up my senior pictures today! But I have to wait until next we to go back and look at the proofs and pick out what ones I want. Can't wait!

I haven't talked to 12 since Monday. I was really angry at him, so I decided not to talk to him, if he wanted me in his life he would have to make the effort. Well, I texted him today.... It really wasn't a personal text, but more of an informative one. Rocky Horror is showing next month and I wanted to tell him. I also texted 2 other ppl, so its not like I was only focused on him. It's just so weird cuz early this week I was so mad at him and now the anger is slowly turning into sadness....

I feel a break down coming soon. I miss him so much. I get to see him Sunday cuz we have a DFA meeting. Then I know he's going to want to go to Rocky Horror together, which I can't wait cuz he's going to dress up and it's going to be very funny. But what happens after that? He just pushes me out of his life again? I can't keep doing this, but

Also my mom is getting a knee replacement in September, so I REALLY need to get my license.

So yeah. That's pretty much it. The journal title a song by Carolina Liar. I'm in love with that song right now. It kinda explains my feelings a bit.

Wait, I'm wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist
So show me what I'm looking for


Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord

Don't let go
I've wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I've learned to love abuse
Please show me what I'm looking for


Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord

Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Just save me from being confused
Wait, I'm wrong
I can't do better than this
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord

I hate him.


I hate myself for loving and caring about him so much.


I'm tired of competing for his attention.


I try to walk away,
but when I do my heart breaks

When I stay it still breaks anyway




What's the point?


Does he know what he does to me?


Why does he say 'I love you' if he doesn't mean it?



Does he even care?



I can't stand to look at his face.


But when I do I can't help but look at his beautiful face.



I'm crazy about him.
But it's killing me...